Independence

I like to let my monkeys learn things for themselves when whenever possible.  I want them to learn what works and what doesn’t work too.  In general, I think trying things out for yourself is the quickest means to that end.  And a whole lot less annoying than having someone tell you…

So, I have been trying to let Jack decide more things on his own – especially things concerning self-control (Let’s just say the he has less self-control than I would like to see.  He often knows a “sad” outcome of a decision he is about to make– having tearfully lived it the day before, but is too excited in the moment, and just acts on impulse without reality entering into his brain.)

So, I am starting small – with this.  Gum.  It is a very desirable object in our house. In case you are not familiar with this particular type of gum, it is six feet of pink heaven - to the preschool group anyway.

In the past, I have bought this for the boys, kept it in the cupboard, and monitored the amount removed from the container at gum-time.

A month ago I bought a pack each for Owen and Jack, and decided to let them keep it in their rooms.  They could decide when and how much to eat on their own terms.  They just had to spit it out when we were having a meal.  A few days later Owen got some of his gum, and Jack wanted some too, but found his container was empty.

Owen offered to share, but stingily doled it out in very small pieces – making Jack ask for more several times before he had accumulated enough for a normal sized mouthful.  Owen also did not allow Jack to touch the container (which is half the fun of this gum.)    I couldn’t help suggesting that Owen be a little kinder in his dealings with his brother, but let most of the interaction slide as Owen was the one who had saved his gum. 

Owen’s gum lasted for a few more frustrating “sharing” events.  Jack did not like that he was at the mercy of Owen, but did not have much choice.

Yesterday the boys each got a new pack of dreamy bubble tape.  Again I said that they could be in control of their own “rationing” and reminded Jack to think about how he felt when he ate his gum so quickly last time.

This morning, Bridget and Jack were playing upstairs and came downstairs barely able to talk.  Apparently they each had three feet of gum in their mouth.  (While this wasn’t the outcome I was hoping for, I did find it particularly funny… this is them singing “Grey Squirrel.”)

Yum. 

And this is what I almost stepped on in the garage a few hours later. Double yum.

So, I was not really sure how my little experiment was going.  Jack certainly did not slow down his eating of his gum, quite the opposite.  But that could mean two things.  He was impulsive, or he didn’t care all that much about not having his gum last as long as his brother.

A few hours later, I realized there was a third meaning.  He solved the consequence problem.  If Owen was going to have gum when Jack didn’t, Jack could certainly take care of that too…