Garbage Truck Theory

Jack was mad at me the other night.  I made the grievous error of telling him that he needed to get into bed right away  if he wanted me to tuck him in. He narrowed his eyes, crossed his arms, and leaned against the wall.  As I made a move to leave,  Jack burst into tears and jumped into bed. As soon as I sat on the bed however, he felt the need to make sure I knew he wasn’t happy about the situation…

Jack: I am going to throw you in the garbage can and the garbage truck will pick you up and dump you inside and drive away!

Mama: (After giving Jack the most sad furrowed-eyebrow look I can make.)  Oh, no.  Is that what you want to do to your Mama?

Jack’s eyebrows furrowed too – looking sad himself – and I wait for him to verbally remove me from the garbage truck… 

Jack (in his slow, “comforting” voice):  Oh Mama, it’s okkkaayyy.  You won’t get hit by a can on your head when you fall in the truck.  And it won’t be a smelly truck, so you won’t stink. (he notices this is not clearing away my furrowed brows, so he continues) And I will ride with you in the truck. And we can climb a ladder to get out.  We can have two ladders, and we can climb out together!  It’s ok Mama. 

I was a little concerned at first that I was not immediately saved from the garbage truck.  I was eventually allowed to climb out of the truck, but I was definitely still thrown in, and driven away!

But, as I thought more, two things hit me.  One: A garbage truck is one of Jack’s  favorite things on the planet. And two:  the world must often seem  this way to Jack.

1. Jack finds himself in a situation that he wants to get out of.
2. He tells Eric and/or  I his problem.
3. We smile and look like we understand and are going to “save” him. 
4. But instead we leave him right in the middle of it, and just talk more.  Maybe telling him some more pleasurable details, but not usually “saving” him the way he hopes for.
5. In the end, things are fine or even good, but not in the way Jack expected.

For example, most new situations fit this pattern –like going to the dentist for the first time…

1. Jack saw the new surrounding and the chair he was expected to sit in.
2. He promptly asked to leave.
3. I smiled and called him over to me.
4. But we didn’t leave; I just kept talking.  I described all of things the dentist was doing  and pointed out all of the fun thing in the office like the big stuffed dog with unusually large teeth that Jack can practice brushing with an enormous toothbrush.
5. The dentist trip ending up being pretty cool; nothing hurt and the funny stuff they put in your mouth actually tasted good, AND he got a little toy in the end.

Even seemingly fun things can end up with this pattern: Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Euro Disney for example.  Jack wanted to get off!  To Jack it must have seemed like Eric and I wanted to help him, but then just end up talking about the less scary parts of the ride.  But we didn’t “save” him and get off like he wanted - until the end, of course.  That was probably a little hard to understand for him.

I do not wish to change the pattern that we have made.  I think it is a necessary evil – if you will.  I definitely think it is good for Jack to experience new things and to learn that he can get through them, and maybe even enjoy them.  But seeing these experiences in this way is a perspective that I had never thought of before and I like thinking that I understand Jack a little better.

If nothing else, I certainly forgive him for not instantly “saving” me from the garbage truck.  Who knows, maybe I would have even enjoyed the ride in the end…