Owen Steps Up…Then Down

Owen has been on the receiving end of Jack’s angry frustration several times in the past few days.  Three days ago, Jack’s response to some teasing from Owen was to scratch Owen’s forehead hard enough to make it bleed.  Two days ago, Jack threw a large block at Owen’s head when screaming at Owen to stop teasing him was not successful.  The encounter with the block left Owen in tears with a swelling mark in need of  an ice-pack on the other side of his forehead.

While Jack spent some time in his room, Owen and talked about his role in the incidents.  Obviously there is no excuse for Jack’s behavior, but I wanted Owen to be aware that he did have some control over future situations. For instance, he could refrain from telling Jack  untrue things such as, “Mama told me that she is going to give me a cupcake after lunch, but she isn’t giving one to you.” Or, “You can never come into my room again for the rest of your life.”  These “jokes” (as Owen calls them) are very upsetting to Jack who takes them as gospel…especially when followed up by, “Well, it’s true! It really is.”   (As a general rule, I know boys in my house are NOT telling the truth if one follows up his sentence with, “Well, it’s true.” or “That is the truth.”)

I knew that what I said to Owen may or may not be effective.  Owen is a good listener and takes thing to heart, but I am starting to wonder about the role of mothering.  We have been reading the chapter books by Beverly Cleary about Henry Higgens and Ramona Quimbley – written in the 1950’s.   And it seems that my kids do very similar(naughty) things that the kids did back then.  And, in turn, I say very similar things to my children that the mothers in those books say to their children.  Can that be right?

Anyway, yesterday Jack ran up to me happily yelling, “Mama! Mom!  Owen gave me a five-dollar quarter!”  He held up a quarter for me to see.  Owen explained a few minutes later, “I asked Jack to give me my [stuffed] penguin back, and he was about to throw it.  But then, he just handed it right to me.  That was so nice  that I decided to give him a quarter.”  Owen nodded in earnest - then turned to Jack and said, “I am so proud of you for giving me the penguin right away, Jack!”

“Yeah, me too!”  Jack beamed.

(I cannot account for why the quarter was a “five-dollar quarter.”)

Throughout the afternoon, Jack slowly accumulated 5 or 6 quarters.  Every once in awhile Owen would tell me the great behavior that had earned Jack a coin.  I occasionally over-heard Owen’s sing-song praises to Jack.  Owen sounded like me on a very good day and I wondered if I should just put him in charge since he was so successful.  Several hours later, Jack had a handful of quarters and a handful of dimes.  Peace reigned in the household. Owen, an enthusiastic sign maker, put this on his door – indicating that all members of the household were permitted to enter his room.

I really should end the story there because it is so cute and happy.  But of course, quarters and dimes do not grow on trees – I am sure that statement rings a bell…  There  came a point when Owen ran out of coins and Jack, having grown accustomed to being paid for compliance, ran out of incentive.  And then Owen ran out of patience.

Suddenly an Owen-sized handprint in a unhappy shade of pink appeared on Jack’s back. 

Soon this sign appeared on Owen’s door…